I’ve got 33 days FULLY clean today! So crazy to think I’ve spent almost my entire life using and drinking and i actually fucking stopped. I got active in NA since AA wasn’t for me and its so different. These people love on you and hug you no matter what seriously. I been drinking since elementary and got into pills by middle school. Been feeling so behind cause everyone my age is coming out with their bachelors and I’ve got a fucked up nose, liver , gums falling apart, decayed teeth I’m no where near the average 22 year old. I’m grieving loses that I’ve had in the past 3 years and fuck its so hard feeling my feelings i hate that shit. Life has been so weird to me not waking up popping an addy lining up before i brush my teeth then smoke a blunt for any drive waiting till noon to drink with someone now i drag ass trying to wake up before 10. Man i miss it i got so upset the other day and my mind went straight to a cold glass of gin smoke a perc and a bar would be so niceee to feel loose and calm I don’t know life without substances and its been driving me fucking crazy but I wanna change I’m tired of myself and all the bullshit I do and people I hurt when I am using. I fucked up so much in the past 3 years I can’t remember half of it I just hear stories of shit I did and even if I say im getting clean some people don’t believe me cause im still angry but this shit is hard man im getting depressed as fuck im tired all the time getting headaches still getting nosebleeds the dry heaving and cold sweats finally stopped its so much shit to do deal with any advice would be appreciated