me yesterday. but i am so sick of being clean i fucking hate it. i referred to fent as my medication in active addiction but it truly was. it worked for my psych problems like BPD and anxiety, and most importantly for my horrible chronic pain. i am in so much fucking pain i don’t know what to do about it, nothing helps. i’m so depressed. i’m just faking trying to feel proud or happy about getting to six months. since i started using fent at age 18, and other drugs at age 12, i haven’t been sober for six months EVER. not even half that. but i’m miserable. and i’m so fat now. i’ve never been skinny but im massive and the weight won’t come off even a bit. i hate myself. i miss my old life. i’m only tolerating this because i have to for court. also because everything is tranq or shit quality anyways. but i’m not doing well mentally. or physically.