Good morning, this is my very first time using this app. I’m very new to this. A little background info: I’ve been clean from heroin/fentanyl since June 1, 2019. I’ve been on methadone for the past eight years. I’m currently on 39 mg taping down 1 mg every two weeks. My cousin passed away from an overdose March 25, 2026. I’m the one that found her. I thought that I could manage my emotions by myself, but I can’t. I have a very hard time reaching out for help. Before this happened I was completely stable. I’ve been self medicating with cocaine for the past two weeks. It makes me feel good for about 20 minutes, but then I’m back to feeling the same way when it wears off I’m working with a psychiatrist and my Methadone Councilor. My psychiatrist prescribed me 14 Valium on April 4. I have three left because I’m trying to only use that if absolute necessary.  I do struggle with mental health, but I have been stable before my cousin passed away. Nobody else knows that I’m using. It’s very hard to express my emotions to others. I found this app and hoping to hear other people’s journey, and what is helpful for you guys.