I’ve never really been able to nail down a “why” behind why I do a lot of things in my life. People always ask “why do you do it?” I DONT KNOW! The same is true with my addiction, I don’t know why I do it, I dont get any joy out of it, it makes me miserable, I hate myself when I continue doing it. But at the same time I don’t have a why to quit. I already hate myself, so why bother? If I truly had a “why” maybe I could beat my record of 4 days of sober. Instead I’m just stuck in a loop I can’t stop because I don’t even care. But there’s that voice in me that’s begging myself to just quit already.