Confession My name is Hugo, I’m 23 years old. I’ve been carrying things I did while drunk for a long time now. Some of them are from a few years back, others are more recent, but they all sit in the same place in me. I don’t really “forget” them, even if I try. They come back at random moments sometimes when I’m trying to fall asleep, sometimes when I’m just sitting on the bus or walking somewhere alone. And every time, I get that same feeling in my stomach. Shame. Regret. Disappointment in myself. What makes it worse is that it’s not just about what I did, but about how I acted. The way I spoke to people. The way I didn’t think. The way I crossed lines I would never cross when I’m sober. I look back and honestly don’t always recognize myself in those moments. It feels like watching someone else, but knowing it was still me. That’s probably the hardest part to accept. Because alcohol doesn’t just “loosen you up” like people say. For me, it changed me completely. It took away the part of me that usually thinks before acting, the part that cares about consequences, the part that actually tries to be a good person. And what was left wasn’t someone I’m proud of. But I also don’t want to pretend that it was “not me at all,” because it was. That’s something I’ve had to face. Even if alcohol played a big role, I still made those choices. I still said those things. I still hurt people or made situations worse. And I can’t run away from that. What I can do is take responsibility for it now. The truth is, I don’t like who I become when I drink. I don’t like the version of me that shows up after a certain point. It’s unpredictable, it’s messy, and it doesn’t match the person I know I am deep down. Because when I’m sober, I’m different. I’m calm. I care a lot about how I treat people. I overthink things because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I try to be kind, even in small ways that probably no one notices. That’s the version of me I actually recognize.