I straight up need and have to get past 5 days sober bro. I had 6 years clean….. I can do it. Lost my job of 7 years and then to get a good job I had to stop doing the shit for 5 days in case they drug test. Lost that new job but Now I’m hired at a thrift store and I’m gonna love it…. So a few days before I start, I’ll be doing zero dope. Learn the basics of my job duties, get to church agoan, connect with the people that i had before my ass isolated and didnt go anywhere bc shame is a reslly loud asshole thought in my head…. I have done real damage this time. My memory has got def worse and it’s never been a problem before. Veins are collapsing and circulation… sleeping only maybe a couple Times a week or couple weeks, days ran together so idk….. and then theres the Picking.. i am a picker. Yes i am happy as shit and idc that im standing on my feet or tippy toes for like 6- fucking 10 hours, all day… fuck ive been yelling at my mirror lately saying GET THE FUCK OHT OF THE MIRRIOR SHIIIIIT AND THEN staying in the same spot, looking at my face, looking down or maybe a glance at the cup of juice on my night stand… slather my face in Wound healing stuff, one last look, finger comes yp to my cheek and stuck as fuxk doing it for a few more hours I hate myself and i hate how it gives me shitty feelings. But it’s a battle. I know what to do i know what helps, God had never left me, 6 years of clean time before and i can do it. So I will. Tomorrow.