Friday night I almost destroyed my life. I had to reset everything. My friends and husband were so worried that they called the hospital because I was ‘missing.’ Ever since I survived cancer at 20 years old. Breast cancer of all things. I have struggled badly with sobriety. I ran into the man whom had taken care of me while I was sick with cancer. I didn’t sleep with him but it was emotional cheating. My husband had our friends and many bartenders on the street looking for me. They almost called the cops thinking I may be dead until they figured out I was probably talking to my ex. The shame and pain I’ve been in is enormous. My husband is staying with me. My friends still love me. They found me because (I didn’t drive) I parked my car in a parking garage and finally when I was walking back severely hungover on Halloween day, one of our bartender friends saw me, texted my friend, who then texted my husband who was waiting in the parking garage and I was so unaware that I never saw him. He followed me home. So angry of course. But he took care of me and I’m getting help. I am sick with physical and emotional pain today. When I asked why he was staying the answer was profoundly loving and genuine. I am going to get better and I am so grateful for my husband and friends. But I am spiraling badly from my actions. I feel traumatized.