I'm a nurse. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a friend. I'm a leader. Every day, I watch cancer take patients I love from me. I watch as the cancer withers away their once vibrant, hopeful versions of themselves, & turn them into gaunt, empty shells. I watch the life slowly leave their eyes. I've lost 11 friends to suicide since the ripe age of 16. My close coworker took her own life 2 years ago. My best friend lost his battle with depression 3 years ago, shortly after the world overcame the trauma of the pandemic. I watched people die during COVID. I walked in on many people who had already lost the battle. I have been actively working on people who suddenly went into cardiac arrest. no fucking wonder I sought something to numb me. No wonder alcohol dripped so smoothly into me like a warm honey, filling those empty cracks and crevasses with warmth. But that will no longer be my story. 1 week, 6 days sober. I never want to drown in those waters again.