wide awake. it’s almsot 2am n i’ve been in bed trying to sleep since 9pm. did a lot of digging / reflecting in grp td and somethings struck some chords deep within myself. i also just realized it’s Denim Day. i just feel so activated and flooded with cognitive distortions all related to my history of traumas. sometimes i feel too aware / “knowing” yet too “caught up” / consumed by myself to do what ik will help me. idk if tht makes sense to anyone rn. or if u know what this day means, and if u do im sorry. regardless it’s a tough night. trying to remind myself to practice self compassion. i struggle w a lot of shame and guilt from early experiences. i can’t blame my younger self and ik i wouldn’t blame others, but i still hard a hard time being gentle to the version of myself in active addiction. no one ever deserves to be harmed or assaulted. it is never ur fault. regardless if u were a child, regardless if u were fucked up and thought “i should’ve known better”, regardless of if it was someone u thought would be different “this time”, regardless of anything. fuck. i’m just so uncomfortable and restless and ugh but at least i got to type and out and proof read tht last part :/ anyways hope ur finding respite tn