Today is such a hard day. I have been terrified to call my doctor because their front desk people suck… but I need to get my health back on track. Sure enough, I received the same awful treatment I was worried about. Questions like “why didn’t you call sooner?” And “the doctor wants to know if you’re actually going to follow through with your treatment this time” said with no compassion, cutting me off, not listening to me when I’m trying to speak… the worst part is, I’m finding it hard to be mad at her. She’s probably underpaid and abused by all sorts of patients. I used to work in the medical field as a pharmacy technician, and I don’t any more because of the abuse… but at the same time, I don’t deserve to be treated like that when I’m trying to get healthy. This is the strongest urge I’ve had to drink since I’ve started this thing, and it’s even worse because my girlfriend decided she wanted to go on a cleaning spree when I was asking her to hang out with me instead. I was so upset and anxious that I went out for a run even though I’m feeling like shit because it was the only thing I could think to do to calm myself down. I suppose I can be proud of myself for that. Now it’s late, she’s still not back from her laundry run, and I’m laying in bed, crying, trying to remember why I stopped drinking in the first place…. Wasn’t alcohol made for days like today? Fuck.