45 Days - this Saturday was my BDay, I’m still standing I had nightmares and panic attacks dreading social gatherings, work events, vacays. My BDay falls on The Big Trigger list for me. Cravings were especially high, so much rotates around drinking - and it still hits me, makes me angry and all sensitive. Walls of cans in a grocery store. Beer breath in my face. Someone outside had a little too much and he talks too loud, slurring words. I want to run away, dig a hole in a sand and crawl there. I want to escape the society that drowns in alcohol, drugs and other high dopamine substances and stimulants. But I keep drinking Kombucha, look around me and journal about new sensations sobriety brings, finding joy in simple pleasures like beach walks and reading and watching the fire.