Found out I did some harmful things while blacked out. Still in shock. Feeling a lot of guilt and confusion. I don’t drink often but have a lot of trauma that I guess came out. Trying to remind myself that accountability is more useful than shame but it’s hard. My partner hasn’t talked to me in three days and I am alone in a country where I don’t speak the language, so sunk in shame that I don’t want to leave the house. Feeling like I’m some sort of monster. I know I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve just got to do my best to make sure this doesn’t happen again.