I think the hard part about the idea of getting sober for me is that I’ve never had a true rock bottom when it comes to drinking. Sure I’ve been drunk & made a fool out of myself in public before but I’ve never hurt anyone or put myself in danger. I’ve never missed work or been at risk of it because of my drinking. I’ve also cut back significantly in the past 1.5 years, with my drinking days going from 4-5/week to 1-3. The urge to drink for me always comes at night, when my thoughts become the loudest. I give myself 1 night a week to get drunk & relax, which I know isn’t great but I’ve always been able to justify it as “not being bad”. If anything drinking has sometimes given me courage to do things I’ve been too scared to do- like booking a solo trip that was the most meaningful experience of my life, feeling at ease in social situations, and connecting with other people. But my therapist has mentioned that my mental health tends to take a downward turn after drinking periods. I don’t want to get sober, or necessarily feel like I need to but I feel torn. A part of me is sick of balancing it and needing it to relax but I’m scared of going 100% without.