Yesterday, I had taken a Lyft on my sisters account and forgot to inform her that I was scheduling a ride to go there. She had told me I could take her Lyft for a meeting whenever.. so I did. She got notified about me using her Lyft and asked me where I was going but I didn’t reply instantly … so she started threatening me saying if I didn’t respond she would cancel my Lyft mid ride. I called her as soon as I saw her text and told her what I was doing and I could tell in her voice that she was second guessing what I was telling her. And I can’t blame her. I did this to her and all my loved ones with my previous actions and decisions in my addiction. I broke her trust and everyone’s around me. And thank god today I am sober and can finally Aline my values and morals with my actions so that I can learn to trust myself and prove to my loved ones, one moment at a time that they can trust me again too. Of course I want that instant gratification but I have to be realistic with myself. in time, I will hopefully mend all the relationships I’ve nearly broken but the only way to do that is mending the relationship with myself first… and that starts with forgiving myself. There are things I thought I would never forgive myself for like my son ending up in foster care and me losing my rights. I never thought I would be sober through something like this. I didn’t think I would deserve it. But after I stopped thinking about me and more about my son and his future I realize that he will need me one day in a healthy form of myself and without self forgiveness I can’t do that.