I relapsed last night. That wonderful person that made me feel like I was someone. Did a COMPLETE 180! And blocked me… I didn’t know what to do I was on the bus when I got the text. Sobbing. I needed that instant relief. Going on a walk,working out. Any of it. Just wasn’t gonna cut it for that tremendously intense feeling… I got off went straight to the fucking bar and ordered a tall one… I had another and a shot after but I stopped there. Did I feel better after hell yes I did. Do I feel good about it fuck no I don’t.. I was 2 days away from 50 now I’m at day 1 again. It’s that feeling that will always get me back in that fucking bar. Idk how to handle my emotions and the intensity that I feel in my heart is too much for me. Alcohol is instant. I’m okay. Just exhausted mentally and physically. Can’t let people have so much power over me. Gotta stop putting them on pedestals. They gotta earn it dang it. 💔