I relapsed after a day. My dad died almost 3 months ago on the 23rd. He was my favorite person. He battled with cancer and unfortunately we couldn’t communicate in the last month due to his pain and his pills fucking his mindset bad. He had to be on dilaudid, nothing else helped. I was his caregiver his last month of life. I remember everything painfully. My mom who was still married to my dad (39 years!!!) is trying to date an old boyfriend. I strongly disapprove of this being it’s only been 3 months, and I feel this guy frankly sucks. (Just from things I know about him. So many red flags) That I really don’t wanna get into right now, possibly later. But he is OPPOSITE from my dad. Drinking is the only thing that makes me feel okay, but after I’m trying to go to bed. I do not feel okay. I live with my mom still so it is hard. I help her out with her chores and whatnot while I cannot live on my own with my financials. Frankly she doesn’t want me to leave either. She will feel alone. I’m 28, never lived on my own and always worrying about what my mom is doing and I DONT WANNA DO IT ANYMORE SHE IS 61!!!! Within a few years I’m hoping to move to Seattle with my bestfriend. I know I can’t stay here but goddamn my mind hates organizing these thoughts and I can’t help but numb myself. Not really looking for anything from this post. Just wanna speak somewhere where others may just get me and I might get some words of encouragement or relatability. Thank you all 💕