I’m incredibly tired of myself. And I’ve realized that I can only use my grief for so long. There’s a time limit, because once you start crossing lines and fucking up boundaries, it’s no longer due to grief or depression. It’s a choice. It’s me refusing to take accountability AND responsibility for myself. I’m 43-years old; I am not a child anymore. It’s time to stop acting like one. No one is going to pull me out of the mess that I’ve gotten myself into. I have to stop. I’m desperate to stop. So, my 30 days begins today. No alcohol, no drugs. Again and again until I can stop. I can’t keep living like this. I will do this.