When the urge gets loud, what do I say to myself I say a lot of things to myself one and tell myself to shut the hell up. I tell myself look at all the positive things that have come out of your life. One hit is gonna fuck everything up one pill is gonna fuck everything up my problem was I took a pill and I wanted to get high my drug of choices or methamphetamines and benzos preferably Xanax I wish they would’ve told me what a Xanax felt like or what it did to her body before they gave it to me instead of just trying to comatose me when my brother died but now I know