I don’t know what squeezes me tighter. The crippling depression or the craving to my addiction. Both treat me so friendly making me fall easier into them. They know how to comfort me when I don’t know how to do it myself. It’s so easy to give in. But to wake up feeling guilt and shame is something that holds me the tightest. It screams so loud in my ear telling me how much of a failure I am but that only leads me to lean more into my depression and addiction. It’s a cycle you see. I’m self aware but, if I tell myself I can stop any day I make myself believe I’m not addicted but, the hard truth is, I am. You never want to face your demons but, it’s even more scarier when you look in the mirror and realize you’ve been the demon all along. Addiction sucks but, I have hope.