idk why i can’t reply to the question, n ik this isn’t the vibe of the prompt, but im starting to think me feeling most like myself is when im like this, what i soon see and feel myself falling into again…. ik im slipping into another episode, most likely a mixed one. i can feel stability and rationale fading from my existence, in a way i dont care, but then i do, but then decide i dont really give a fuck anyway. mood disorders are torture. im back in a cycle, on the threshold of giving up or giving into myself, and i know the urge to fight back will inevitably disappear too. i don’t say this for pity or encouragement, i say this bcuz this pattern has become familiar …. n ig im thinking aloud at this point. im more familiar, more “comfortable”, w this feeling of numbness, something im so accustomed to, it was all that i was for a long time - the only way i saw, felt, or knew myself. i have a lot of thoughts on this. sometimes it feels like i dont, like my head is hollow and my whole being is empty. then it feels i have too many thoughts, none of which i can quiet, stop, or a get a single one slow down to catch a breath. at this point theyre often contradicting ones that end in frustration and disappointment within myself - all too much to put on here, or anywhere honestly. so ig im j saying this bcuz i have tht slight bit of sanity to step back to identify this and still question thoughts / feelings. but ill be ok, i always am. hope everyone has a good night🤍