I want to speak to anyone who will listen, if you have the time to reply I would greatly appreciate it. I have struggled with alcohol and drugs since I was 19, I am 28 now. I have been better since I was 25 and have gone 5 months at a time being sober but I really thought I wa clean this time. I just drank and done coke after 140 days sober. I really thought that it wasn’t that deep and I could just drink like normal people do. I had 5 beers with my roommate and then she said she was going to bed and now I’ve done a line thinking it will sober me up enough to not drink more and go to bed. Clearly this is not normal behaviour. I just hate having this, I want to be normal. I’m not sure if I should feel bad for what I’ve done or just treat this like it’s normal but there’s so much guilt that comes with drinking and drugs by myself. it’s the weekend so it’s not a weekday is suppose? But also I know I’ll want to carry on and bender and I have work on Sunday which I have a lot of responsibility with so I can’t afford to be coming down. I think and talk about drugs and drink all the time like it comes up in conversation a lot for me but I’m the one bringing it up and I do feel the people around me feel silently concerned as their reactions aren’t fully on board. Im good when there’s no influence around me but my new room mate drinks and does drugs often and now I feel like I have a buddy, but she’s not addicted like me so she can stop when she likes. I feel awful for always bringing it up because I want to do all the time but it’s not like I even have a reason anymore? my life is good I like being sober but I also really like drugs