So I lowkey have struggled with alcohol for a lot of years but I never really admitted it I always just kind of said that “I over did it this time” and I kind of normalized blacking out. It wasn’t until I started really messing up and people started holding me accountable that I realized I maybe had a problem and even then I just kind of told my self I could control it I just had to watch how much I drank. After coming to that realization I would do good going out with no issue for like 2-3 times then I would “over do it” again. I started to really hurt my relationships especially my romatic relationship. Over the past maybe 7-8 months I did really good about not going out or drinking. I went out once 2 months ago and it was fun and I did fine. Well over the weekend I really messed up and I think I really am coming to the realization that I shouldn’t drink AT ALL. I ruined a lot of relationships last weekend and I was doing so good. I was improving my life and I was happy. I feel so embarrassed and terrible about the drunken things I did and I wish I could go back and had never went out. I really have just gone into a depression hole and I just don’t want to leave my bed because I just feel so ashamed of myself. I’m so mad at myself because my life was going good and I fucked it up in a matter of a couple hours. I have therapy coming up soon to maybe really talk to someone about how I might be an alcoholic. But even calling myself an alcoholic is still hard and i’m not sure why. I’m done ruining stuff and I want to improve my life. I just wanted to share because I’m really going through a hard time and maybe someone else can relate. But also I feel like I shouldn’t be depressed or feel bad for myself because I did this myself. My loved ones have talked to me about how alcohol isn’t a good mix to me and I always try to give it another go and just hope I don’t blackout but if it isn’t this time then it’s the next where I’m waking up apologizing for things I don’t rem.