You never think you’re addicted when the liquor pierces your liver and the fun begins. When the powder burns your nose but tickles your brain cells mocking them how it’s about to take over. When the marijuana makes you forget the harsh moments and memories just for a second. We’re all addicted to something to take the pain away, we just hate to admit how it’s taken over silently ruining our body and lives…. For now. We think because we can handle a few lost nights and wild benders that we can stop whenever we want. “I’ll stop when I want to because I’m not addicted. It’s easy!” That’s what we tell ourselves to make the high feel less shameful. Only, it’s not less shameful. It’s loud enough to break a glass wall without even yelling at a high pitch volume. We’re not just killing us, we’re breaking down the ones around us who love us so much they would rather watch the deterioration than to lose us completely. There’s no love here no matter how good the high feels. It’s a death sentence and even though we know it, we still chase the high because we’re too traumatized to face the lows. Whether it’s a self aware, high functioning or a pained fiend, the drug is something we all have in common. Like a tight hug from the person you miss the most or a warm shower after working in the yard all day, the high is a comfort we can’t seem to let go of. I never meant to get curious and stick my nose where it doesn’t belong but, just as fast as I judge the ones doing it, I become one and the same. I often wonder how long I’ll go numbing the pain because I’m too much of a coward to go to therapy. Nobody really cares about your trauma. The high doesn’t judge, it levitates. I am exactly who I think I am and that is an unmedicated, traumatized being who belongs to her diagnosis without the guilt of wanting better. High thoughts for low feelings. Wanting better and not becoming better is mind altering. You have so many hopes and dreams when you’re high. You’re motivated and ready to s