gm! i j wanted to say: ive struggled w drug addiction since ~12 yo & in the beginning it was rooted in the need to escape a v chaotic life. substances escalated n i got to a point where i was j downing handfuls of pills j to get by in high school. ive also really struggled with severe self mutilation since ~8yo, which i didn’t even know was a thing at that time at such a young age, using it as a grounding “skill” / self punishment, often times j to feel something. later, i realized it was more abt control, all of it. i didn’t have a lot of say in my life growing up or any sense of autonomy. i remember coming to the realization tht “if anyone is going to hurt me, it’s going to be me”. it hurts to look back on….knowing how much suffering i was going thro, at an age where other kids were playing dress up, n i thought i had no other choice but to continuously hurt myself physically bcuz the mental pain was so heavy. got to a point where i was doing it every day, thinking i had to bcuz if i didn’t, it would build up n i would do something tht i couldn’t hide or recover from. i feel like a lot of ppl don’t understand how addicting tht can be n how much pain u have to experience tht you feel the need to physically harm urself when your brain is naturally designed to not do so. i’ve been thinking a lot abt tht young version of myself n how much my heart goes out to them. but now, im a lil over 3 mo opioid free & gone a lil over 2mo w/o intentionally hurting myself. i always feel im behind in life esp for my age n as someone who does a lot of comparison, but i have to remember all the work and time i took off to prioritize my mental health is whts keeping me rn. ik a lot of ppl on here may be experiencing the same struggles n thoughts so i j wanted to say this bcuz ur not alone. ya, im not where i want to be in life, but im also not where i was a few months ago too. i feel a lot of sadness for past me, but i really like to hope tht person is proud who i am today, rn.