i wanted to update y’all about my beach trip today so before i left for my trip, the plan was to drop my daughter off at her dad’s. but before i left my mom had told me about a bad dream she had the night before about how my daughter drowned in someone else’s care and in a different part of her dream my daughter was missing, potentially kidnapped. this obviously immediately triggered my anxiety as i was about to leave her for a full day which i have only ever done twice before. i do trust her dad with her completely and i always know she’s in good hands with him, but the idea of something happening to her when i’m a couple hours away was really nerve wracking. i still dropped her off and just asked him that he keep her close all day and if he was going to leave the house with her that he let me know about it. i was super anxious and on the verge of tears the whole drive there. the urge to smoke was PROMINENT. i kept trying to push it away and remember my game plan for staying sober, but i knew i was going to ask someone for nicotine as soon as i pulled up, it honestly felt too strong to fight in the moment. long story short, i did have a couple cigs and i do feel pretty disappointment in myself about that; i wish i could’ve just pushed it away but the craving was LOUD in my mind. BUT i was offered both weed and alcohol multiple times throughout the day and i said no every time! 🥳 I really didn’t wanna be high or drunk bc I knew it would just make me feel bad for quite a few reasons — so even though the urge to smoke weed and have a few drinks was pretty intense, those I did ignore and I’m proud of myself for that. overall i had a great time, it was awesome hanging out with all of my friends and having a chance to relax outside of the house for a day. bummed about my slip but happy that it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. tldr: i did smoke nicotine but i didn’t smoke any weed or drink any alcohol and i had a good day.